Why do we stuff our kids?

Why do Americans force feed our kids?  Do we really think they will suffer from not eating a meal?  I’m on vacation right now in Mackinaw Island, Michigan.  This morning at the local cafe we were enjoying a nice relaxing breakfast.  A few tables over, I heard some commotion.  It was a Mom at work, force-feeding her five year old daughter.  The child was held captive on Mom’s lap, her head in the crook of her Mother’s arm and her arms pinned down by Mom’s hand.  Mom’s other hand held a fork with a bite of her child’s breakfast.  “Bite”!  “Bite”!  “Bite”!  The Mother repeated over and over.  The child’s lips were pursed, her head turned as far from the food as she could possibly manage in her Mother’s vice-like grip.  I watched this and thought, “that kid is NOT biting, no matter what”!  I really did feel sorry for the misguided Mom.  She was doing her best to provide nutrition for her child.  In her own way, she thought she was doing her duty as a Mother.  But, if she thought very long about it, she could probably figure out that there are more important battles to wage, and that “you can lead a horse (or child) to water, but you can’t make him drink (or eat)”.

And, why should we make food such an issue?  When a person IS really hungry, they eat, don’t they?  And, if a person is not hungry, shouldn’t they decline eating?  Do you get hungry on a schedule?  I sure don’t.  It is respectful and wise to allow our children to decline food if they are not hungry.  They will live until the next family meal, and if they are REALLY hungry, even famished, by then - they will enjoy their meal all the more.  No harm has come to a well fed and healthy child from missing one meal.  And, when we give our kids freedom to listen to their bodies and regulate their food consumption, we are teaching them good health habits. 

So, give your kids and yourself a break.  Don’t fight the food battle.  You will ultimately lose anyway and it will just frustrate yourself and your kids in the process.  But, don’t play slave in the kitchen either.  The kids can wait until the next meal to eat.  Oh, you might have to listen to some complaining in the meantime, but kindly remind them of their choice and that food WILL be available at the next meal.  In fact, their hunger will enhance their enjoyment of the next meal!  Another option is to cover and store the meal, and offer it again later when your child IS hungry.

Simplify your life and don’t make food an issue.  A really hungry kid WILL eventually eat.  Stuffing kids deprives them of learning about their own body and their own hunger signals.  And, responding to hunger signals (or not) is important to life-long weight control and health.  Kids are just learning about their own bodies - let them listen to their body and learn about food intake.  Eating less and enjoying it more, feeling a little hunger sometimes - it’s a good thing.  Here’s hoping you never say, “BITE”!

What is your family activity score?

What is your family activity score?

“Our family is pretty active”.  I hear it all of the time.  But what does “pretty active” really mean?  Obviously, different things to different people.  But, how does your family’s physical activity compare to the national recommendations for kids and adults?  Let’s find out.  Answer the following questions (yes or no) and discover how your family habits add up.

1. My family watches television one hour or less per day.
2. My family members spend one hour or less on the computer per day (at home).
3. Everyone in my family owns a bicycle and uses it at least once a week (in warm weather months).
4. My family walks or plays outside together at least 30 minutes, three times per week.
5. We own and use sport equipment such as basket ball, soccer ball, baseball and bat, tennis racquet and ball, badminton set, croquet set, lacrosse, etc.
6. My kids play outside at least 5 days per week for a minimum of 30 – 60 minutes (not including school recess).
7. My kids have learned or are learning to swim by age four.
8. My kids walk to and from school.
9. My kids are physically active at school at least 30 – 60 minutes per day (recess and/or physical education).
10. The adults in my family participate in 30-60 minutes of moderate to vigorous activity at least 5 days per week.

Now, add up the number of questions you can answer “yes” to.  How active is your family?

If your family answered yes to 7 or more questions, you can legitimately say you are “pretty active”.  You are teaching the good habits that family members need for lifelong physical activity and health.

If your family answered yes to 4-6 questions, you have some good habits already in place.  Now, take the next step and add some new activity habits to boost your activity time and increase your family’s health.

If your family answered yes to 3 or less questions, you need to make some lifestyle adjustments.  Your family is in danger of a sedentary lifestyle that can put members at risk for overweight, diabetes, high blood pressure and future heart disease.  Start now and implement one new activity habit per month.  Soon your family will enjoy more activity time, fun and memory-making moments together!

 

 

No laying around being a baby

Babyhood….aaahhhh.  A time for laying around, doing nothing.  No work, no responsibilities, no expectations; it’s a time in life when you can do nothing, right?  It pains me to see parents who believe this and leave their babies laying on their backs, hour after hour, trying to entertain themselves.   Please, not on your watch!  No laying around being a “baby” and doing nothing.  Why?  Because it is a critical time of development.  Things are happening fast, and maximizing the “window of opportunity” is important.  We need to put our babies to work learning.  Work with them every day, encouraging them to experience life, to grow, to learn.  It is amazing to see the results.

Many adults assume that because babies can’t communicate, that there is not much going on “upstairs”.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  Babies are learning at a faster pace than any other time in life.  There is so much that they can learn, and they WANT to!  They want to know how to move their bodies, they want to understand language, they want to communicate, and they want to speak.  They want to learn about the world around them and guess who their first teacher is?  YOU!  It is your job whether you want it or not, so make the most of it.  Here are some hints:

1.  Talk to your baby all day long.  Describe what you are doing and why, the names of things, how things work, colors, etc.  Your baby is listening and learning and it will increase her vocabulary tremendously.  No matter that she can’t talk back yet.  And, don’t use “baby” language.  Use real, adult language.  After all, isn’t that the language you want your baby to speak?

2.  Use all of the senses.  Let your baby touch, smell, taste, in addition to seeing and hearing.  Learning through the senses is how your baby is “wired” to learn.  Help him try everything you can.  Let him squish spaghetti in his fingers.  Put feet in mud and water.  Let him mash cake or ice cream into his face.  Touch rough things, bumpy things, slimy things, cold things, warm things.  SO many possibilities!  And, with each new experience your baby will establish new brain connections that will  help his cognitive thinking.

3.  Move, move, move!  Help your baby learn to move the body she lives in.  Bat a balloon with her hand and kick it with her foot.  Help her drop a small ball or beany baby into a bowl.  Roll her over from front to back and back to front in both directions.  Tip her gently upside down.  Swing her.  There are so many ways to teach movement to baby.  And, remember that you are teaching a love of movement that can endure for a lifetime.

4.  Read to baby.  There is so much written about this - read morning, noon and night.  You will teach a love for reading, language, understanding, recognition of objects etc.  And, the time spent with baby is priceless!

5.  Carry baby close to your body instead of in a container.  I have lots to say about this, so please read my blog entitled, “American Teach Babies to be Sedentary”.  It’s all there and it is important for parents to know.

How much time do you spend teaching your baby each day?  Not just caring for baby - changing diapers, feeding, etc., but really teaching?  Plan now to make some time every day!  Incorporate learning into everything you do together.  Both you and your baby will benefit! 

P.S.  If you want more ideas, check outGymtrix for an entire curriculum to teach movement skills for babies beginning at 6 months.

Fit is No Accident!

I got a nice compliment today.  And it got me thinking.  I was out and about, and a lady about my age stopped me.  “Wow, you have a really flat stomach”, she said.  “You look great”.  “How did you do that”? 

“Well”, I said, “I do about 400-500 various kinds of crunches when I work out”.  Her mouth dropped open.  “Whoa”, she said.  I told her that I didn’t start out with that many.  I added a little at a time and now it’s not difficult.  And, it’s something she could do if she wanted to.  It only takes about 15 minutes three times a week.  A small investment for a flat stomach.  Besides the ab work,  I run 3 miles three times per week, do some strength and flexibility work, and choose carefully what I eat.  Stuff anyone can do, really.

You don’t get something for nothing ( my Mom taught me that).  And, nothing gets done only wishing and thinking about it.  Anything worthwhile takes some work.  We all know that.  I have heard comments like: “You are really lucky”, or ”I wish I could eat what you eat and be that thin” (usually a comment heard when I occasionally eat a dessert).  Well, I’m NOT lucky, and if anyone ate what I eat, they would probably be about the same weight.  That fact is that fitness doesn’t happen by accident.  It’s a conscientious choice every day.  And, everyone can attain a measure of it depending on what they’re willing to do.  And, it is a lifelong choice.  I weigh less now than I did in college, and am in better shape too.  But, it is because I have changed my daily habits one at a time over lots of years.  The cumulative effect of all those choices has been great. 

You can do it!  And don’t think it is beyond your grasp.  There’s nothing magical about it.  Search out good health habits.  Take your very worst habit and change that first - it could be finding a healthy alternative to chips or soda.  Or, it could be getting up off the couch and taking a 20 - 30 minute walk every day.  There’s plenty of information out there on what to do, but it won’t help unless you do it.  Start today!  You CAN do it!  And, somewhere down the road you’ll hear someone say, “boy, you sure are lucky”!  And you’ll say to yourself “lady, this is no accident”……

Seniors set free!

People in their 70’s and 80’s getting more active?  Playing?  Experiencing new joy in movement?  Doing things they never did before?  Yes!  And, I got the thrill of leading the charge with a focus group at a nearby retirement community. 

You see, I believe that if a person’s brain is working and their body is moving they can do SO much more than they think.  And, I believe it can be done at any age - babies through seniors.  I’m already changing the world one baby at a time, so I decided to prove my theory by transforming some local seniors.  The group consisted of men and women in their 70’s and 80’s who live in a local retirement community.  Some live independently in condominiums and some reside in assisted living.  Some are very mobile and some are not.  Some use walkers or canes, and one uses a motorized vehicle.  But, all are able to move their limbs to some degree.  And, they are eager learners because they agreed to participate in my focus group!   The community’s wellness coordinator also participated and everyone agreed to provide feedback.

I conducted a class once per week for three weeks and the class was about an hour long.  I led a simple warm-up routine and then introduced skill challenges.  The first week we focused on eye-hand coordination, week two was eye-foot coordination and week three was balance activities.  

The positive results were so much more than I expected (and I am a really optimistic person)!  These seniors blew me away because they learned so fast.  They started cautiously, gripping the backs of the chairs I had provided.  They hung on to the chairs with one hand and tentatively tried the throwing and catching activities.   ”Good job”, I said.  “You are getting it”!  “Try it with the other hand”.  We laughed together as balls and balloons flew around the room.  And you know what?  Those folks were transformed before my very eyes.  Gradually they let go of their chairs.  They started playing, moving faster, balancing better, BECOMING MORE CONFIDENT.  By the end of only one session together, these determined men and women had increased their depth perception, reaction time, tracking ability, and agility.  Best of all, they were more confident than 60 minutes before.  I know that confidence comes from something - it comes from ability - and when people increase their ability they increase their confidence!  It’s a beautiful thing. 

The next two weeks with these “young” seniors was just as rewarding as the first.  What can be better than helping people gain more ability, creating more confidence, independence and freedom?   Many of these folks thought it was “over” for them.  They expected to lose ability instead of gain it so they stopped using and challenging their bodies.  The good news is that my focus group was set free to keep learning and growing.  They learned that it’s still fun to play and learn.

I saw a report recently on a playground in England built for adults.  Senior citizens are swinging, teeter-tottering, and climbing.  They are laughing, playing, socializing, and getting stronger.  Why do we ever stop those things?  Playing and moving keeps all of us young in body and soul!  Spread the good news to a senior in your life, or challenge yourself.  It’s not over yet!

Grandparents and Kids Bond with Chores

Aaaaahhhhh….it’s finally summer.  Warm sunny days, boating, the beach, picnics, and weeds in the yard.  The Grand kids are here from Texas for three weeks and we are having a great time!  Grandpa Nanny is on duty for the kids from 7:30 AM when they spring out of bed, until 10:00 AM when he heads to work.  After that, Grammie or Mom takes over.  In keeping with my “chore” philosophy, (see “Kids Need Chores” blog) I set up a daily rountine for working and having fun together. 

The Grand kids are ages 3 and 7 - perfect ages to be big helpers!  In the evening before bed, Mom lays out the kid’s clothes for the next day.  When morning hits, they are off and running.  Grandpa Nanny helps them dress, fold their P.J.s, make breakfast and then it’s time for the morning chores.  Yesterday they washed and scrubbed a grocery cart to collect food donations for a local food pantry.  It will be placed in a nearby business.  Today it was some weeding and bush pruning.  I strolled into the backyard this morning to find them with garden gloves on, deep in dirt and debris.  They were so excited to tell me about their accomplishments and share the stories of bugs, worms and bees they had encountered along the way.  After chores they jumped into the pool for play time and Grammie treated them to a snack prepared just for them.  

These kids literally spring out of bed, excited for the day’s events and can’t wait to see what surprises Grandpa Nanny has for them.  Of course, Grandpa Nanny has the gift of making chore time fun.  Lots of conversation, jokes, laughter, imagination, silliness, plus time to learn and explore together make great memories.  The “work” never overshadows the fun, and the time spent together deepens the bond between Grandpa Nanny and the kids.  They love to help and it enhances their sense of self-worth to be included in adult chores.  The chore routine also keeps the kids physically active and replaces sitting in front of the T.V. in the morning.  And, they are learning skills they will need as adults and increasing their understanding of the world around them. 

Our own kids are grown, and chores were always part of our family life together.  Many hands make light work, and spending time helping each other was satisfying for both generations.  Sure, it was work and work is not always fun, but it produced kids we are proud of.   Now, we’re starting on the next generation.  Only this time it is so much more fun!   What’s your “chore story”?

To Wii or not to Wii… that is the question?!

I don’t have a Wii.  Should I?  What am I missing out on?  Is it something I “need?”  I’ve been watching the Wii craze carefully because of my interest in sports and physical activity.  And, I’ve interviewed lots of Wii participants to get their input and to help decide if the Wii is for me. 

The Wii is lots of fun!  It gets sedentary people off the couch and active.  It gets families playing together and being together.  What’s not to like about that?  It is definitely a better choice than watching television or playing computer games by yourself.  And, the Wii might just get kids interested in a sport they haven’t tried before.  It could get them started on playing a real sport in real life.

But, the Wii isn’t really real.  It is great entertainment - no question.  But, it’s not a substitute for good motor development or for learning real sport skills.  People can “cheat” the Wii.  Smart motivated players can figure out ways to sit on the couch and still score.  You can’t do that in real life sports. The Wii doesn’t really require good technique, agility or coordination.  It doesn’t teach accurate depth perception, speed, or timing for real life sports.  So, a kid who only plays the Wii won’t learn the motor skills he/she needs to be confident and successful in physical activities.  The Wii could give a false sense of achievement that sets a kid up for disappointment when he tries real sports in the real world. 

Injuries from playing the Wii seem to be popping up everywhere.  That is no surprise.  When a sedentary person suddenly becomes VERY active, the body usually protests.  The Wii is lots of fun and people keep playing past the time when they should stop.  Overuse injuries happen whenever people do the same movement repetitively for a long time.  The muscles, tendons and ligaments become inflamed and we feel pain.  Whenever we move our bodies, we can injure ourselves.  We can fall, collide with objects, turn our ankles, or strain our muscles and ligaments.  Sedentary Wii users are finding out what athletes have always known - it goes with the territory.

The newest Wii games are fitness boards.  Good for getting sedentary people off the couch.  Not a good substitute for a real workout.  Building muscle groups correctly requires good technique and the Wii won’t get you there.  See a trainer or use a good video program for that.  But, use the Wii to have fun and get active.  Use it to supplement your other activities.

So, the answer for me?  I don’t need a Wii.  At least, I don’t need to buy one.  I look forward to playing with a friend’s Wii, but I like real.  I like to be outside in the fresh air when I run.  I like to feel a real ball hit my real racket when I play tennis.  I like to use my core muscle groups when I do my strength workout.  I like to feel a real ball when I bowl and hear the real pins fall.  I’ll spend my money on real things.  I love all of the sensory experiences of real.  The sounds, smells, feelings, sights.  But, I won’t turn down an offer to try the Wii and have fun playing with friends.  What’s your Wii experience?      

Getting a Life

“How we spend our days, is, of course, how we spend our lives”.  This quote by Annie Dillard buzzed around in my mind during my run this morning.  How had I spent my days this week?  Last week?  How would I spend today?  Was I pleased and satisfied with my choices?  Where was my time wasted?  What did I wish to do that I never made time for?  My brain was buzzing with these questions as I ran.

My 40 minutes of running, three times per week, is a treasured time when I am by myself, with no interruptions - a gift I give myself for health and an opportunity to really think.  The weather is warm so I am running outdoors and savoring the sights and smells of our incredible Michigan summer.  As I settle into the rhythm of my run, my brain gets extra oxygen and natural chemicals that help me focus and think.  And, I am free of interruptions to reflect, create, plan and problem solve.   My very best insights, new ideas, solutions and plans have always come during my runs.

So, what AM I doing every day?  Did I make a difference this week in somebodies life?  Was the world a little better for having had me in it?  Did I make time for the things I enjoy?  Did I let my family know how much I love them?  Did I connect with friends?  I got lots of stuff done, to be sure.  My high sense of responsibility dictated that my calendar was full.  I completed every task on my list.  I made every meeting and appointment.  I fulfilled my job responsibilities at both of the companies I own.  At home, I got the laundry done, moved some furniture, opened mail, attended choir rehearsal and quartet rehearsal.  OK, being responsible and ”productive” is not my problem in life.

Now for the stuff I didn’t do.  I didn’t make time to go wake boarding or water skiing.  I didn’t make time to sit in our lovely gazebo with a cup of coffee or glass of wine.  I didn’t take time to read for pleasure.  I didn’t make time to call my elderly aunt, my niece, my sister.  I didn’t play tennis, jump on the trampoline, ride my bike, swim in our pool or play my cello just for fun.  I didn’t use my membership to visit our botanic gardens.  I could go on, but you get the picture.  There are SO many things I enjoy doing - if I don’t make time now, when will I?

My therapeutic running time helped me to see my life a little more clearly today.  How I’ve spent my days this week is how I’ve spent my life.  And, I guess I was living but not making a life.  At least, not the kind of life I want to have.  So, today I will be more intentional.  More thoughtful.  I’m taking control.  Today I WILL make time for one of things that’s really important to me.  And tomorrow too.  And the next day.  And then, how I’ve spent my days will become how I’ve spent my life.  And, when I look back on it, I’ll be glad.  I’m going out in the gazebo to read…      

Kids NEED chores!

I have an awesome neighbor.  The MacDonalds are a catholic family with five of the greatest kids you’d want to know.  When our kids were little, I learned a great lesson from John, the dad.  We were chatting and he mentioned that the kids were all doing their chores that Saturday morning.  Now, the MacDonald kids were ages 4 - 13, so I asked, “what is Marie (the four year old) doing?”  “Cleaning the toilet”, was his reply.  I couldn’t believe it!  “How can she possibly do that?  She’s so little!” I said, incredulously.  “Oh”, John said, “she doesn’t do a very good job right now.  I show her what to do each week and she makes a bit of a mess in the process.  I have to re-do it later.  But, it won’t be long before she masters it and will actually be a help.  And, she feels very proud of herself because she can help like the big kids”.  I listened and learned from this wise dad.  And, I’ve thought  a lot about his words and the lesson.

Parents today often feel guilty about requiring their kids to do chores.  And, it is hard work for parents to teach and supervise while kids learn and also complain.  But, think of the big picture and long term rewards of consistently expecting kids to do their share of chores.

Just like little Marie, kids experience a sense of pride in their achievement when they finish a chore and experience a job well done.  Kids also feel a sense of belonging when they contribute to the well-being of the family.  Chores done together as a family create a bond and a common goal for family members.  The MacDonald family taught me to plan a fun activity together after chores were done.  John taught me that this delayed gratification created a good work ethic.  He was right!  “Many hands make light work” is what my Mom used to say.  And, my Mom played great music that we all sang to during our chore times.  When a family works together, parents can express thanks and appreciation to kids and tell them how much their help means to the whole family.  When this training begins early, it becomes a part of family life that strengthens the family bond.   

Chores train kids to think about the well-being of the whole family, not just their own wants and needs.  Chores help us to raise less selfish and self-indulgent kids.  Responsible kids.  Dependable kids.  Confident kids.  Kids learn that helping and giving is part of every day life, and it becomes a lifelong habit.  And, when family members work in close proximity, the talking and cooperation enhances social skills. 

In this age when sedentary kids are becoming obese, chores provide another important benefit.  They get kids off the couch and active.  Their bodies are moving and they are burning extra calories.  They are participating in life instead of observing.  They are living their own life instead of watching someone else live theirs.  They are learning skills they’ll need as adults.  These are gifts only we can give to our kids, but it’s not easy.  They whine.  They complain.  They think their parents are mean because their friends don’t have to do chores.  They procrastinate.  But, I want to encourage all parents who are in the trenches. 

I know how hard it is.  It seems easier to do it yourself and keep the peace.  It’s hard to teach the kids, supervise them, and put up with complaining.  But, don’t give up!  My kids are now out of the house and my job is done.  I have two great kids that I am very proud of and who now thank me for the very things they protested so loudly.  As adults, they see what has happened to those kids whose parents indulged them - and it’s not pretty.  ”Sarah is just lazy”, ”Brad doesn’t know how to do anything.” “Mary Ann expects everyone to wait on her”, “Nick is so selfish”, “Emily has no self-confidence”, are the some of the comments I hear.  FINALLY, I am seeing the pay-off for those difficult years of parenting.  So, don’t lose heart!  Persevere!  You are doing your kids a huge favor but it will take time to see the results.  And, in the words of Winston Churchill to England in World War II, “never, never, never give up“!       

Got Leisure Time?????

Leisure time?  Some of us wishfully think about it!  Americans (myself included) have become so “busy” and “productive” that leisure time is an elusive dream we think about but never quite achieve.  What to do?

When I was in college - and I hate to admit that this was in the 70’s - my academic minor was recreation.  I remember studying how recreation services would be in huge demand in the future.  The theory was that because of all the modern new conveniences people would have lots more time on their hands.  Microwave ovens meant less time cooking; dishwashers meant less clean-up time; high-powered tools and lawn mowers meant faster chores; more convenience foods meant less time cooking; the world was changing fast.  And WHAT were people going to do with all of their spare time?  It was predicted that people would need new leisure activities to fill all of their spare time.  I studied hard and prepared for the future….

Well, the future that my professors predicted never came to be.  Our conveniences helped us get more done in less time and so we added more responsibilities instead of leisure time.  Computers and cell phones made us accessible 24/7 with no way to shut the busy world out.  As our American pace of life escalated, we even began to feel guilty about leisure time, thinking we were “wasting” time when we wern’t productive. 

We need to reclaim our lives!  The research clearly says it: busier lives create more stress and physical health suffers as a result.  It’s no new news, but knowing it doesn’t seem to help us.  We still keep going faster.  How do we stop?  For many folks, a health crisis makes them sit up and take notice.  For some others, a feeling of despair, loss of control or feeling overwhelmed are triggers.  This “busy” problem seems peculiar to Americans - so many other cultures get it right.  And, what is “right”?  What are the things that feed our souls and bodies?  I think it is: spending time with family and friends every day; eating dinner together as a family; talking and sharing our dreams, struggles, experiences and ideas; making time to play by walking, playing ball, biking or whatever you enjoy; volunteering your time and giving back; reading for pleasure; gardening; listening to music or playing an instrument; art activities.  There are so many possibilities!  But, leisure time doesn’t normally happen by accident.  In today’s world we need to be intentional.  How about if I decide to be proud about my leisure time instead of feeling guilty?  How about if you challenge friends and family to make more leisure time and create a healthy balance?  How about if you and I do whatever it takes to have dinner together as a family?  How about if we make relationships and time together a high priority?  Would we reduce depression?  Loneliness?  Stress?  Would our kids, spouses, family, friends feel more loved?  Would it help us and others?  Would we explore new things, learn more about ourselves and help make a better world? 

  What would happen if you turned off the television for a week?  What might you have time for?  Maybe you could do things you didn’t THINK you had time for.  Maybe your quality of life would improve, doing things you enjoy.  Maybe you could live your own REAL life instead of watching someone else live theirs on T.V.  Why not try it as an experiment?  Watch what happens!  And, maybe when (or if) you turn the T.V. back on, you’ll want to limit T.V. (and computer) time to an hour or less a day. 

Yup, we “got leisure time” alright.  It’s ours to claim - we just forgot how.  How are you claiming yours and what are you doing with it?  Change a life by helping and encouraging others!